Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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