You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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