So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize