Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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