It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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