you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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