why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize