is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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