I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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