Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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