using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
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i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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