The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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