In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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