She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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