I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize