I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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