I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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