Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I did not marry a roomba.
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