It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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