My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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