i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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