you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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