If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
MIDGETS
????
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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