if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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