If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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