last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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