hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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