paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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