He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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