I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize