I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize