His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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