Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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