I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this boner is exhausting
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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