How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ketchup is God's man juice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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