It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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