I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
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Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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