i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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