I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize