so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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