is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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