well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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