so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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