Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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