I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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