Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize