If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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