He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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