eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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