watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize